This particular week in 2024 is a time when the Jewish faith asks its members for “atonement” —it is an annual tradition to reflect and take responsibility. Other faiths and traditions similarly ask followers to atone, or seek forgiveness, at certain ritualistic times—thus, this is a common intentional act of mental reflection across cultures.
The term "atonement" comes from the 16th century combination of the words "at one" and "ment", which means to "reconcile" or "set at one". And in the Cambridge dictionary, a more literal and contemporary definition is “something that you do to show that you are sorry for something bad that you did.”
How does this idea show up in the therapy room? People quite frequently feel some measure of guilt, self-blame, or self-criticism. We are often holding ourselves accountable, and wondering how to handle internal self-recrimination. Sometimes it is so weighty and intense, that it feels impossible to get relief or escape from such ruminations. We worry about how we work, how social we are, how we parent, whether we measure up to social expectations or mores, and whether we wrong the people around us.
What seems helpful from above definitions of atonement are the concepts of “reconciliation,” and something that you “do” to show you have reflected, and feel remorse. The reason these are constructive is / that the idea is not simply to sit in a state of shame and self-loathing, and to think of oneself as inherently bad, but to seek change—to process, reflect, shift, and perhaps even discuss with whomever has been harmed, if anyone. This way atonement is an achievable aspiration—an act, and not just a state of mind.
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